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2006_0310 



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 1



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  THE WESTERN .FRONTis  WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY An independent
student newspaper serving the campus community since 1970.  ,2006  ISSUE
17, VOLUME 136  Teaching dangerously Book claims Western professor
excessively radical  CHRIS HUBER/THE WESTERN FRONT  Fairhaven College
associate professor Larry Estrada currently ranks No. 3 on author David
Horowitz's list of the 101 most dangerous professors in the United States. 
By MOLLY MALONEY  The Western Front  Western students could be  enrolled in
a class taught by one of  the most dangerous professors in  America,
according to conservative  commentator David Horowitz.  Horowitz names
Fairhaven  College associate professor Larry  J. Estrada as a danger in his
book  "The Professors: The 101 Most  Dangerous Academics in America," 
released Feb. 13.  With the help of online voting,  Estrada said he could
be No. 1  on  the most dangerous list.  Estrada, the American cultural 
studies program director at  Western, said he has mixed  feelings about
Horowitz including  him in the book.  "At first I was startled, and  then
wondered who the other  100 professors were," Estrada  said. "The truth is
I could be in  much worse company, with Noam  Chomsky, Derrick Bell and
Bettina  Aptheker also making the list. I've  felt bemusement, pride and
anger.  I felt like my accomplishments  and words were distorted and
mischaracterized by Horowitz."  see LIST, page 5  Whatcom women  welcome
Morse  to hall of fame  BY MEGAN LUM  The Western Front  The Northwest
Women's Hall of Fame will induct  Western's first female  president, Karen
Morse, into  its ranks of outstanding Whatcom County women  on March 19. 
Morse, who became president of Western in  1993, said she knows two Western
women whom  the hall of fame inducted over the past eight years,  including
director of prevention and wellness  services Pat Fabiano and  athletic
director Lynda  Goodrich.  "I go to the celebration every year because it's
 see SERVICE, page 4 Community may  suddenly be city  BY DERRICK PACHECO 
The Western Front  The community of Sudden Valley is lobbying the Whatcom 
County Council to add the community to the Urban Growth  Area  list If
Sudden Valley is on the list, residents could  formally apply for city
status under Washington state Law.  The Whatcom County Council currently
lists Sudden Valley  as a recreation area.  gt;  The council removed Sudden
Valley from the urban growth  community list Feb. 28, after the council
passed an emergency  ordinance to thwart Sudden Valley's attempt at
becoming  incorporated and developing into a city, council chairwoman 
Laurie Caskey-Schreiber said.  Sudden Valley, located 8 miles east of
Bellingham, officially  applied for city status on Feb. 24, and could
petition for entry  onto the November ballot, said Steve Grieser, Sudden
Valley  community association general manager.  CHRIS JOSEPH TAYLOR / THE
WESTERN FRONT  The Sudden Valley community on the west side of  Lake
Whatcom is  requesting to become a city. Future  commercial and industrial
development there may  increase pollution  in Bellingham's water reservoir.
 The council voted to remove Sudden Valley from the list to  ensure the
area around Lake Whatcom remains decongested by  development. At the Feb.
28 meeting, the council was concerned  that city near Lake Whatcom could
damage the watershed.  see DEVELOPMENT, page 4   UPFEST SUCCESS  Local
benefit concert festival  raised $5,000 for Hurricane  Katrina relief. 
ACCENT PAGE 9  LADIES LIFT OFF  Western women's basketball  team plays its
first game of the  regional tournament today.  SPORT, PAGE 11  SHOW ME SOME
SKIN  Spring brings rain, flowers and  women in  skimpy clothing, much  to
men's chagrin.  OPINIONS, PAGE 13  WEATHER  Saturday: Cloudy  Hi: 46 Low:
28  Sunday: Sunny  Hi: 48 Low: 32  %J -  www.westernfrontonline.com        
             



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 2



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  ^  2 •THE WESTERN FRONT NEWS MARCH 10,2006  Cops Box 
University Police  March 9, 1:06 a.m.: UP  performed a security check  in
the Ross Engineering  and Technology Building.  UP found the lock had been 
removed from the exterior  door to the stairwell.  March 8, 5:29 p.m.: UP |
 responded to a report of  a bicycle theft in north  campus.  March 8,
11:22 a.m.: UP  responded to a report of  shoplifting in Miller Hall.  The
suspect fled on foot,  and an area check produced  no suspect.  Bellingham
Police March 9,8:50 a.m.: Officers  responded to a report of a  vehicle
prowl on the 2500  block of Humboldt Street.  March 8,10:01 a.m.: Officers 
responded to a report of a  theft of license plates on the  2300 block of H
Street.  March 7,8:26 p.m.: Officers  arrested a 42-year-old  man for
driving under the  influence on the  1600 block  of F Street.  March 7,3:13
p.m.: Officers  responded to a report of a  rape on the 2900 block of 
Squalicum Parkway.  Compiled by Michael Lycklama  Mayor to delay greenway
vote  BYDANGROHL The Western Front  In a 4-3 vote, the Bellingham City
Council  approved a greenway levy proposal Monday,  which could allocate up
to $43 million to  Bellingham parks. However, the public is not  likely to
vote on the land protection measure  in the upcoming special election in
May,  Bellingham Mayor Mark Asmundson said.  Asmundson said he would veto
any city  council decision that does not have at least five  members in
favor of the proposal in the final  council vote regarding the levy this
Monday.  Even ifhe didn't veto the levy, Bellingham  voters would still be
unlikely to pass the levy  without the council's consensus, Asmundson 
said. He suggested the council work on the  ordinance for the levy and
decide on  a final  version in time for the Sept. 19 primary  election. 
The council agreed with the mayor's     suggestion, council president Gene
Knutson  said.  "Greenway will not die if we don't put a  package together
today," Knutson said. "We  need to do this right It is too important to
just  push though."  The measure the council approved on  Monday would
allow the city to collect $43  million in taxes over 10 years, councilman 
John Watts said. -  The council has the final say on any change  in the
distribution of the funds and is likely  to use the $43 million for the
acquisition,  development, improvements and maintenance  of greenways,
parks and trails in Bellingham,  Asmundson said.  Monday's vote is the last
opportunity for  the council to put the land protection measure-on  the May
16 ballot for voters. If the council  does not pass the measure in the
final vote,  the next chance for a public vote is in the September
election.  Council member Barbara Ryan said  Chuckanut Ridge needs to be
one of the council's priorities if the council wants the  levy to pass on
the ballot.  MAP COURTESY OF THE CITY OF  BELLINGHAM  Purchasing land on
Chuckanut Ridge is one of the proposed ways to spend  money generated by a
greenway levy. Supporters say purchasing land on  Chuckanut Ridge would
protect it from Bellingham's future growth, such as the  proposed Fairhaven
Highlands, an 85-acre, 739 home development Fairhaven  Highlands is marked
by the shaded area along Chuckanut Drive.  Chuckanut Ridge is an 85-acre
property  south of Fairhaven District, which could hold  up to 739 housing
units if it were to be fully  developed.  "We all agree Chuckanut Ridge
should be  in there," Knutson said. "The question is for  how much. That's
the bottom line."  Council members Terry Bomemann,  Ryan and Knutson voted
against the levy on  Monday.  WWU Official Announcements PLEASE POST  The
Western  Front is published twice weekly in fall, winter and spring;  once
a week in summer session. Address: The Western Front, Western Washington 
University, CF 251, Bellingham, WA 98225. The Western Front is  the
official newspaper of Western Washington University, published by the 
Student Publications Council, and is mainly supported by advertising. 
Opinions and stories in the newspaper have no connection with advertising. 
News content is determined by student editors. Staff reporters are enrolled
 in a course in  the Department of Journalism, but any student enrolled  at
Western may offer stories to the editors. Advertising inquiries should be
directed to the business office in CF 230,  or by phone to (360) 650-3161.
Members of the Western community are entitled to a single free copy of 
each issue of The Western Front.   THE MATH PLACEMENT TEST will be in OM
120 at 9 a.m. March 16 and 3 p.m. March 13. Registration is  not required.
Students must bring photo identification, their student number, Social
Security number and a  No. 2 pencil. A $15 fee is payable in exact amount
at test time. Allow 90 minutes.  LOT RESERVATIONS. • Lots
11G and 14G will be reserved at 5 p.m. March 10-11 for those attending
performances  of Evita; • Eighteen spaces will be
reserved in lot 10G at 2 p.m. March 10 and 7 a.m. March 11  for those
attending a Westerm Washington University Foundation board ofdirectors
retreat; • Lot 14C will  be reserved at 7 a.m. March 11
for those attending the Northwest Regional History Conference. 
COMMENCEMENT.LOT RESERVATIONS. The following lots will be reserved at 7
a.m. March 18 for commencement  parking: 8C for the president's party; 10G
for elderly, disabled and Media Services staff; 14G for  faculty and staff.
A shuttle will run from lots 12A and 12C beginning at 8:30 a.m. MILLER
ANALOGIES TEST (MAT). The computer-based Miller Analogies Test is by
appointment only. Make  an appointment in person in OM 120 or call X/3080.
A $60 fee is payable at test time. Testing takes  about 1 V*  hours.
Preliminary scores will be available immediately; official results are
mailed within 15 days.  WEST-B TEST. Everyone applying for admission to
state-approved teacher education programs must meet the  minimum passing
score on the basic skills assessment by the application deadline. For a
study guide and to  register, visit www.west.nesinc.com. Remaining test
dates through July are May 13 and July 15. Registration  deadlines are
several weeks in advance.  WEST-E PRAXIS. Washington requires individuals
seeking teacher certification and teachers seeking additional endorsements 
to pass  the WEST-E (PRAXIS) in the chosen endorsement area, visit
www.ets.org/praxis/prxwa.html for description and online registration
information, or obtain a registration bulletin in MH 216. Remaining
academic-year  test dates year are March 4 and April 29.  TO LEARN IF
WESTERN IS CLOSED DURING  STORMY WEATHER, call 650-6500 after 6:30 a.m. or
tune to  KGMI (790 AM), KBAI (930 AM), KPUG (1170 AM), KUGS (89.3 FM), KISM
(92.9 FM), KAF£ (104.3 FM) or KWPZ  (106.5 FM). Broadcasts about
whether Western is open or closed will begin between 6:15 and 6:30 a.m. 
WINTER 2006 GROUP OFFERINGS. • Relaxation Training,
Mondays, 11 a.m. to noon, and Thursdays, 4 to  5 p.m., OM
540—both days cover the same content; drop-in for one or
all sessions; • Also offered are "Ride  the Emotional
Wave," "Assertiveness and Social Skills," and "Women's Support Group." For
information or to  register, call X/3164 or stop by OM 540.  FACULTY ARE
REMINDED THAT RESERVED PARKING SPACES are available for their use after
hours and  weekends with a valid parking permit or bus pass, as posted in
lots 10G, 17G and the Parks Hall lot  FOR WINTER CAMPUS RECRUITING
OPPORTUNITIES, see www.careers.wwu.edu, stop by OM 280, or call  X/3240.   
                                     



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 3



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  MARCH 10,2006 THE WESTERN FRONT • 3  NOW PAYING 60% FOR
BOOKS  NEEDED FOR SPRING 111 ARTER!  Buyback Dates March 8th - 18th  Some
examples of the great prices we are offering  Stevens - WWU English 101
Reader  (Magazine and Reader)  Barnett - Calculus (MATH 157) Comer -
Abnormal Psychology (PSY 250)  Fromkin - Intro to Language (LING 204) 
North Car. - Precalculus (MATH 114)  WESTERN  ASSOCIATED STUDENTS  Open Men
- Fri 8:00am - 5:00pm andMost Saturdays from ILOOam-3:00pm ^ limited
quantities of some titles meded WWW.bookstOre.WWU.edu    



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 4



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   4 • THE WESTERN FRONT NEWS MARCH 10,2006  Service:
Colleagues say Western's first woman president earned respect for
university  CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1  just marvelous what some of these women
have done and  how they've contributed to the community," Morse said.  The
hall of fame is the Bellingham YWCAV project.  Thirteen Bellingham women
organize the project, said Jo  JARED YOAKUM / THE WESTERN FRONT  Western
President Karen Morse will join two other  Western women in the Northwest
Women Hall of  Fame March 19.  Collmge, hall of fame committee member. 
"Western is vital to the community, so she is a community  leader as well
as the leader of the university," said Collinge, former assistant director
of university communications.  Before coming to Western, Morse worked at
Utah  State University as a chemistry professor, the head of the  chemistry
and biochemistry department and dean of the  college of science. The
university appointed her Utah's  provost in 1989.  "I've been very
fortunate because whatever I've done  I've enjoyed, whether it was being a
faculty member or  doing some administrative work, working with faculty and
 for faculty," Morse said. "I understand what (the faculty) are doing, and
I know the challenges that they have. I'm trying  to work for them in order
to make their environment better  and their professional experience
better."  Candidates must serve as a role model for women to  qualify for a
nomination for the hall of fame, Collinge said.  "She is an example of how
the role of women has  changed in the second half of the 20th century," she
 said. "Especially for women in the roles that were once  considered to be
men's domains."  Morse received her doctorate in chemistry from the 
University of Michigan in 1967, when universities gave  10 to 20 percent of
their doctorates to women, Collinge  said. Now almost half of students who
receive doctorates  throughout the country are women, she said.  "Women
weren't always deans and weren't always heads  of departments," Collinge
said. "For those of us who lived  through that time, the difference between
the second half of  the 20th century and now is striking."  Since fall
2005, Morse has focused on improving  Western's international programs.
"Certainly we have some wonderful things that are going  on with
international programs at the university, but there  needs to be some
leadership there, some cohesion, and we're  starting to do that," she said.
Morse is a strong and caring leader, said Paul Cocke,  interim director for
university communications.  "It's  no accident that (Morse's work at
Western) has  coincided with a pretty significant increase in the respect  
and reputation of Western," Cocke said.  Morse's nomination for the hall of
fame shows the  university's attachment and dedication to the community 
and a commitment to higher education, Morse said.  "It's a good thing for
the university, just like any time a  faculty member or a staffmember or a
student is recognized,"  Morse said. "It reflects well on the university." 
This is the eighth annual induction. The hall of  fame has  inducted 25
women in the past seven years, Colligne said.  Development: Sudden Valley
petitioning county council to join urban growth area list  CONTINUED FROM
PAGE 1  If the Sudden Valley  community became  a city, it would be
difficult to restrict further  development and keep the population and 
traffic around the lake.  Lake Whatcom provides drinking water  and
recreation to more than 86,000 county  residents, Caskey-Schreiber said. 
"We are working hard to decrease  congestion around Lake Whatcom," Caskey- 
Schreiber said. "The only way a city can  survive is with growth, and that
could be detrimental to Lake Whatcom."  Some of Sudden Valley's population
is  pushing for incorporation while others are  not, Grieser said.  He said
the residents of Sudden Valley  petitioning to become a city are interested
in  havmg their tax dollars directly affect their  community.  The Sudden
Valley community does  not  have the economic support to become a city, 
Bellingham Mayor Mark Asmundson said.  "Sudden Valley does not have the 
tax base to support municipal services,"  Asmundson said. "It would be a
mistake to  pursue incorporation."  The residents opposed are adamant 
about remaining a recreation community,  said Grieser, who is not a member
of the  residential group pursuing incorporation.  "I work for  the
community association,"  he said. "This is a private group of citizens 
applying for incorporation. The community  association is not instigating
this."  Grieser said the private group is  collecting residents' signatures
to petition  adding Sudden Valley's proposition on the  next ballot Nov. 7.
 "Private citizens are pursuing  incorporation," Grieser said. "Ultimately,
 public citizens will have to vote on this  issue."  The council is
concerned with protecting  the area surrounding Lake Whatcom to  preserve
the environment Caskey-Schreiber  said.  jji some men just need a little
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 5



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  MARCH 10,2006 NEWS THE WESTERN FRONT * 5  List: Students deny Horowitz
claims that Estrada is  a danger or threat to the university  CONTINUED
FROM PAGE 1  He thinks he came to Horowitz's attention  because he defended
University of Colorado  professor Ward Churchill's freedom of  speech.
Churchill said some employees in the  World Trade Center antagonized the
Sept. 11  terror attacks, Estrada said.  In an essay Churchill wrote, he
said  companies that benefited from U.S. policies  that caused thousands of
Iraqi children's  deaths after the Gulf War brought the attacks  on the
United States, Estrada said.  Estrada said he never condoned Churchill's 
opinion about Sept. 11.  "The inference by Horowitz that I agree  with his
analogy is totally fallacious," Estrada  said. "My comments to press,
mostly  in  Colorado, have always been that I support his  academic freedom
and his right to speak out  on the nature and causes for 9/11."  Horowitz
wrote a chapter in the book on  each professor to discredit their efforts
to  introduce fresh viewpoints into the academic  world, Estrada said.
Horowitz wants to  encourage an extreme far right ideology on  American
college campuses, Estrada said.  "He wants auditing of every syllabus, 
every concept taught, and monitoring of  university classrooms in terms of
concepts  and theories employed," Estrada said. "This  is why he has
attempted to introduce the  Academic Bill of Rights in various states at 
the national level. This type of control runs  counter to both liberal and
conservative  thinking and effectively changes the entire  nature of the
university." • '  Junior Josefina Magana, a  sociology
and Spanish major,  said she went to Mexico with  Estrada last summer for
his  six- week class, Contemporary  Culture of Mexico.  "He is very
encouraging,  especially for me being of Hispanic origin," she said. "I 
truly believe it's a mistake that  he was named in this book. This  guy
doesn't  know much about  Larry. From my experience,  he never wants to put
political  ideas upon students."  In his book, Horowitz's  claims Estrada
is a radical  separatist because ofhis work as an adviser for  MEChA,  or
the Chicano Student Movement  of Aztlan, Estrada said.  Students from the
University of California, Santa Barbara established MEChA in the  late
1960s as a campus organization to help  "They believe their   is political
bias on  campus. And the way  Horowitz is going  about it is very
reminiscent  of the way Joseph McCarthy  went about things.'.  BILL LYNE 
Western English  professor  Latino students earn their  degrees. It's a 
support system for students and maintains  a connection between education
and community development, said Western senior  Sierra Schraff-Thomas,
Estrada's teaching  assistant and MEChA internal affairs officer  ' at
Western.  Aztlan represents the  struggle for respect and equality  for
Mexicanos and Chicanos,  who have an indigenous  presence in the southwest 
because it's the Aztec's ancestral home, Estrada said.  "I've never
advocated  secession," he said. "Certain  right-wing ideologues accuse 
people of that, because if  you're a member of MEChA,  then they distort
the concept  of Aztlan. MEChA doesn't  advocate secession. It's 
disinformation to state that."  Schraff-Thomas said  Horowitz fabricated
some of his facts.  "To my knowledge, Larry has never  advocated for
succession of the American  Southwest so that it may be returned to  Mexico
or the creation of an independent  Hispanic state, nor does MEChA advocate 
these things," she said. "If this were the case,  I don't believe that he
would be so supportive  of me, a white student."  Western English professor
Bill Lyne,  faculty senate president, said he doesn't think  the book will
affect Estrada's good standing.  "If anything, we're all kind of proud of 
him," he said. "That list is full of distinguished  scholars from around
the world. I think the  book is dumb. It's full of lies and rumors."  Lyne
said Horowitz's book isn't what  worries him, but that Horowitz and his
well-funded  colleagues are attempting to pass  legislature across the
country to monitor professors and their teaching.  "They believe there is
political bias on  campus," Lyne said. "And the way Horowitz  is going
about it is very reminiscent of the  way Joseph McCarthy went about
things."  Horowitz posted a poll for the most  dangerous professor on his
FrontPage Online  Magazine, Estrada said. Estrada  is No. 3 on  the list. 
"I think I can be number one," Estrada  said. "Everyone just needs to vote.
I will owe  it all to students, colleagues, and the general  public for
boosting me closer to the No. 1  spot"  David Horowitz did not return an
e-mail  request for an interview.  Check out these NEW  Independent
Learning Courses!  Do you need flexible class times?  Earn credit by taking
an online or correspondence course! It's easy to find out more: 
• Pick up a Continuing and Independent Learning  catalog
in Old Main, first     floor next to the elevator  •
Visit our offices on the second floor at 405 32nd  Street with free visitor
parking or take the free  campus shuttle  • Check out our
Web site  Extension tuition rates apply! Choosv Wisely, Choose Western 
WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY  Failed, failed, failed,  iyttdthen... RSISTENC  Pass
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 6



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  MARCH 10,2006 NEWS THE WESTERN FRONT • 6  "Mom and Pop
places are what give a town real diversity. Without them everywhere looks
the same."  David Kowalsky, Sustainable Bellingham volunteer coordinator 
Alumna's film promotes small-town businesses  BY SHANNON DEVENY  The
Western Front  Without using any interstate highways  or supporting any
corporately-owned  stores, two former NBC journalists, one a  Western
graduate, drove across the country  using only secondary highways and
spending money in independently-owned  businesses.  Western alumna of 1993,
Heather Hughes,  35, and her husband, Hanson Hosein, 36,  filmed
"Independent America: The Two  Lane Search for Mom and Pop" in May  2005
and documented their journey along  the two-laned roads of the United
States. Sustainable Bellingham, an organization  that supports local
business Bellingham,  and Fair Trade Crafts, a store that sells fair-trade 
products, will show the film at 7 p.m.  Sunday at the Bellingham Public
Market  on  Cornwall Avenue.  Hughes and Hosein heard reports of 
small-town business owners and community members saying they did not want
to see  another Starbucks or Wal-Mart built in  their town, Hughes said. 
The increase in  the number of reports in 2003 surrounding  this issue
sparked the couple's interest and inspired them to make the film, she said.
 The film depicts independent-business  owners' determination to  re-assert
themselves  in the American economy that large  corporations, such as
Wal-Mart, dominate, said Allison Weeks-Ewoldt, Sustainable  Bellingham
co-founder.  "We get a glimpse of the promising remnants of community
commerce that  are waiting to grow and thrive again as  the multinational
corporations that have  transformed our nation into 'Anywhere,  USA' crush
under the weight of their own greed," Weeks-Ewoldt said.  Hughes and Hosein
visited businesses  such as coffee houses, bookstores and  hardware stores
under financial pressure  from corporate chains such as Wal-Mart,  Borders
and Starbucks, Hughes said.  The film documents the experiences  and
opinions of local business owners who   want to maintain and profit from
their small  businesses in towns throughout the United  States, said
Lynnette Allen, Sustainable  Bellingham member.  By showing film viewers
business owners  and the towns they live and work in, the film  shows the
importance buying local goods  and services has on economies in cities 
such as Bellingham, by keeping money in  circulation locally, Allen said. 
"It is important to have a financially  prosperous local economy where we
are not  dependent on corporations that are based in  other places because
it helps us to be self-sufficient,"  said David Kowalsky, Sustainable 
Bellingham volunteer coordinator.  Sustainable Bellingham wants the film 
PHOTO COURTESY OF HEATHER HUGHES  Former NBC journalists Heather Hughes and
Hanson Hosein stand in front of  the original Wal-Mart in Rogers, Ark.,
after interviewing Wal-Mart executives  in June 2005.  to challenge viewers
to look critically at  how and where they spend their money,  Kowalsky
said.  "Mom and  Pop places are what give  a town real diversity," Kowalsky
said.  "Without them, everywhere looks the same."  Buying locally is
important because  money put into a local economy multiplies  faster when
it stays within community  commerce, Hughes said.  When someone buys books
at Village  Books, the owner of the store then uses the  money to employ
local advertising agencies  and many others, which spreads the money 
around enriching a large portion of the  community, she said.  "If we don't
support local businesses,  they won't be there," Hughes said. 
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 7



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  FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2006 • WESTERNFRONTONLINE.COM
• PAGE 7  Are Your BRAKES making  noise?  We have a FREE
brake inspection that you  should get every 30,000 miles.  1 0 % discount
with Student ID  Ja4aJ  LOCALLY OWNED   OPERATED  Prime Tune   Brakes  in
Sunset Square  671-2277  f R t t - sHuv  89.3 FM  Find out more about
distance learning!  Continuing and Independent Learning staff can  help
you.  • Visit our offices on the second floor at 405 32nd
Street  • Take advantage of free visitor parking 
• Try the free shuttle service to/from main campus 
• Check out the Parking Services Web site for shuttle 
details: www.ps.wwu.edu/parking/  Call or visit us online for more
information!  1 WESTERN Choose Wisely, Choose Western  Cfa«
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 8



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  8 • THE WESTERN FRONT ACCENT MARCH 10,2006  at the
museum's Arco Exhibits building oh ^,'M^^i^^^p^ gt;^ad--;  Pfospebt Street.
-y: .:C;.:;^:^^  Scott ' Wallin,^ A ^  j||ggi| of exhibitions and exhibit
curator,' exhibit ntimhiis '§^^^^0^a^^i^^^^  ^pided On the theme
becauses of the; inihe i n ^ ^  igtion of php^  leS. ^
'•' .•^•':rj-\
•M^T-:'-:: lt;-yi^^^m^  suprbf photographers
v:.:-^ffit^^^^p  seen in one
exhibit'••Jd^^m^^eim^  mm  mtyi  ^ears,
s ^ m ^ ^ H S ^M  BflHI  m l l ^ l  H
'•• ff^^l  - '1I1SI  I^B -  ^Wftnrnr 
1-#^'M'^A^1Slg?^^|  saaasessgaga  iam we  m  iyei£  it 10 inches
long  iMIl are small,  mi- W^§f^.  ItRtftL  ^  S^Sf  mmW. mfim^ 
f|b S4$  ;v|aii|i^n*f  |"§tj|kj^:Sl  ^moi£:ih^ 
oftenuses photoj  - ipieces focus on con!  lightning, logs and trei 
•; digitally remasters  " T h e message is whatevl
receives," Zervas said. "A 161  do is based on landscape and ed  people's
association with it. Gro  |in the Northwest, you seem to get a.J  jfsense
of place, maybe more so than peo]  pn other parts of me country Film
photographer Kai Yamada of  Ipeattie shot a series of 11 crisp, black and 
py^eBellingham nighttime photos, in in|  fplaces such as City Hall and the
former  Georgia-Pacific site. persj  :^:".;- n^d; gt;\Bellihgham;.'..'-tb
be very mayni  | comforteble,'' he said."In contrast to big ' lt;Thi| 
cities where you have to be concerned for for art si  safety, it's very
open and made me feel Western,  ^ r y relaxed." matters and  Yamada said he
likes nighttime you're interj  Pliotbgraphy, which allows him to capture
not," Wal  inanimate scenes without people, comi^^fci  He said that people
distract viewers' and bes              



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 9



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  MARCH 10,2006 ACCENT THE WESTERN FRONT • 9  Bellingham
resident Tim Lindskoog watches Daydreamer play on the main stage at Christ
The King Church.  Hurricane Katritia victims benefit from local concert  *~
lt; PHOTOS BY CHRIS HUBER/THE WESTERN FRONT  This year's Upfest concert
raised close to $5,000 in proceeds that the Christ The King Com-munit^ 
Sgfeirrch stafiVwill donate to Habitat for Huniamtyfand Samaritan's
!Pi|reiSjin Louisiana,  Mississippi and Florida. - U-Christ  The King held
the Upfest benefit concert on the evening of March 3, an annual festival 
since2000.  Approximately 1,000 people attended this year's event, said
Upfest organizer, Christ The King  Community Church associate pastor and
1995 Western alumna Derek Archer.  The Upfest staff will also travel to
Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida from March 19 to 25 to  help the
nonprofit organizations with relief work, he said. The staff will
collaborate with Samaritan's Purse to assist Hurricane Katrina victims
without  shelter, Archer  said.  Thirteen bands performed on the
church's.three stages: Anchordown, Autumn Poetry, Broken Image, Barcelona,
Daydreamer, Half Blind; Idlefill, In Praise of Folly, John Van Deusen and
the  Lonely Forest, Lucky for Nothing, The Pale Pacific and  Concertgoers
packed the main stage auditorium at Christ The King  Information compiled
by Josh Weaver C h u r e h M a r c h 3 r d d u r i n g S o m e b y S e a
» s performance.  The Pale Pacific closed out the evening,
performing on the main stage. In front of the largest crowd  of the
evening, lead singer Gabe Archer stood on his chair as he played the
keyboard. Bright, dramatic lighting played an integral role in the 
Daydreamer keyboardists' performance at Upfest.  ' * **           



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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 10



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  FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2006 • WESTERNFRGNTONLINE.CQM
• PAGE 10  Poor putting, rain drowns Vikings  BY DEVIN
SMART  The Western Front  The Vikings needed a strong  back nine to catch
the University  of Oregon Tuesday, but Mother  Nature and poor putting 
kept Western from making a comeback.  The Western men's golfers  finished
third because they  couldn't overcome an eight shot Oregon lead starting
the final  round of the Washington National  Intercollegiate Golf
Tournament  at Washington National Golf  Course in Auburn.  Wet weather and
wind hounded  the golfers during the first two  rounds of the tournament
Monday,  but for the first nine holes Tuesday  the weather cleared up.
However,  heavy rain returned around 11  a.m., when, the Vikings were 
making the turn onto the difficult back nine, and didn't relent for 
ft^^^^^^^^  DEVIN SMART / THE WESTERN FRONT  Western sophomore golfer Sean
Packer tees off on the 14th  hole Tuesday at the Washington National
Intercollegiate Golf Tournament.  nearly an hour.  Western senior
co-captain  Luke Bennett, who was on-par  through nine holes but finished 
with a seven-over-par 79, said  the weather was only part of the  problem
on the back nine.  "I just couldn't find a groove,"  Bennett said, whose
score of  79 dropped him from a tie for  ninth into  a tie for fifteenth 
individually.  "The weather wasn't the best,  but I never felt comfortable.
I'd  miss a putt here, hit.a bad shot  there. I wasn't putting myself in a 
spot to score."  Senior co-captain Tim Feenstra shot a three-over par-75
during his  final round and finished tied for  fourth individually.
Feenstra said  he was pleased with his golf swing,  but could not finish
bis putts.  "I nit the ball really well, and I  didn't make one birdie out
there,"  he said. "I just didn't make a putt.  I didn't make one putt over
four  feet—it's hard to  score when you  do that." 
Sophomore Sean Packer  rounded out the Vikings top  finishers, placing
seventh after a  final round 75.  The tournament won't affect  the Vikings
West Regional  ranking, but it was  an opportunity  to match up against
NCAA  division L golfers. The varsity  squads from Washington State 
University and the University of  Idaho competed, while the junior  varsity
teams from the University  see LINKS, page 11  it pays  to advertise in the
 Western Front  Eats flies. Dates a pig. Hollywood star.  LIVE YOUR DREAMS 
Pass It On.  THI FOUHOff 10N I4i A ||TTIR HFl  ''.*:'
wTvw.forberterlife.org - '  DEVIN SMART / THE WESTERN FRONT  Western senior
golfer and co-captain Luke Bennett tees off  on the 15th hole Tuesday. 
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 11



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  MARCH 10,2006 SPORTS THE WESTERN FRONT • 11  Links:
Western men's golf  team struggles in second  round of spring tournament 
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10  of Washington and Oregon played as well.  Feenstra
said the difference between golfers at the  Division I and the Division II
levels is slim. "College golf is a pretty level playing field,"  Feenstra
said. "Division I is probably a little better than Division II, but we play
against a lot of top-Division II  schools, and the level of play out here
is pretty much      the same."  The tournament marked the second event for
the  Vikings since the spring portion of their season began.  The Vikings
finished third at the Cal State Bakersfield  Invitational Feb. 28.  Before
the spring portion of the season began,  Western head coach Steve Card said
while he has three  of the top - Division II golfers in Feenstra, Bennett
and  Packer, he was still looking for consistent play from  the No. 4 and
No. 5 spots on the team.  After two events, Card said junior Sam Pauley, 
who shot a Vikings best 74 during the final round  Tuesday, secured the No.
4 position, but No. 5 is still  undecided.  "Sam has really stepped up and
established himself  as the No. 4 player on the team," Card said. "I think
the  top-three guys show a lot of confidence in him."  The Vikings next
tournament will be the California  State University Monterey Bay
Invitational, played  March 20 and 21.  Women compete in regionals  BY
DERRICK PACHECO  The Western Front  Home is where the court is for the
top-seeded Western women's basketball team as the Vikings host the regional
championship  starting today.  The team has won 20 games in a row this
season, including 13  straight wins at home, on its way to a 26-1 record. 
The Vikings earned a No. 4 national ranking for Division II  women's
basketball, and the No. 1 seed for this weekend's West  Regional Tournament
held in Carver Gym today, Saturday and  Monday.  The Western women are
making their eighth consecutive  appearance in the regional tournament, but
this is the first year  the Vikings earned the opportunity to host the
event.  "I have had at least 1,000 people asking me about the men's  and
women's regional tournament this week," Western director  of athletics
Lynda Goodrich said. The quarterfinals start at 12:30 p.m. today, the
semifinals start  at 5 p.m. on Saturday and the championship game is on
Monday  at 7 p.m.  "This is just great to play at home," women's head coach
Carmen Dolfo said. "We have had an unbelievable year and hope  to reach the
(national) Elite Eight."  Both  the women's and men's basketball teams
qualified for  the Regional Tournaments. The men earned the No. 2 seed with
 a 21-6 record, and will play at Seattle Pacific University this  weekend. 
"You can't get much better than this," Goodrich said. "When  people think
about D-II basketball in the Northwest, they'll think  of Western." 
Women's West  Regional Tournament  Today  Game 1: Cal State Bakersfield (3)
vs. Cal  State Los Angeles (6), 12:30 p.m.  Game 2: Chico State (2) vs.
Humboldt  State (7), 2:30 p.m-  Game  3: UC San Diego (4) vs. Seattle 
Pacific (5), 5:30 p.m.  Game 4: Western Washington (1) vs.  Northwest
Nazarene (8), 7:30 p.m.  Saturday  Game 5: Winner of game 1 vs. winner of 
game 2, 5 p.m.  Game 6: Winner of game 3 vs. winner of  game 4, 7 p.m. 
Monday  Championship game: Winner of game 5  vs. winner of game 6, 7 p.m. 
All games will take place in Carver Gym.  Your new DVD could be  someone's
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     Western Front - 2006 March 10 - page 12



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  12 • THE WESTERN FRONT SPORTS MARCH 10,2006  Springi
quartersportscolumnistpreview Overweight pros pummel average Joes  BY
ANDREW SLEIGHTER  Mark it zero  Monday night I watched the premiere of
Spike TV's  "Pros vs. Joes." Besides displaying terrible programming,  this
specific brand of sports reality television misses the  point entirely. The
point is, I want to see sports stars brought  down,  not watch their
exaggerated egos.  "Pros vs. Joes" starts with a promising premise. Three 
average people  dubbed 'Joes,' contestants on the show,  challenge a
handful of retired athletes in athletic contests. Monday's episode included
wide receiver Jerry Rice,  professional wrestler Bill Goldberg, basketball
player  Dennis Rodman, former Chicago Bears quarterback Mike  MeMahon and
baseball slugger Matt Williams.  The show grants the Joes an opportunity to
fulfill lifelong  fantasies, such as going one-on-one with a professional 
athlete and winning $20,000. Or, as Rodman likes to call his  annual salary
for playing in the ABA in addition to what he  gets every time "Double
Team" airs on HBO.  During the show, the Joes competed in impossible  tasks
such as covering Rice while he caught passes from  MeMahon. One Joe did
succeed once in knocking a pass  away only because of a miserable throw by
MeMahon.  Another challenge pitted a Joe in a wrestling match versus 
Goldberg. Nobody succeedes against Goldberg.  In a bizarre shooting contest
against rebounding  extraordinaire Dennis Rodman, the Joes stood on a
conveyor  belt moving away from the hoop and had to run while  shooting
baskets. Each Joe took their turn to beat Rodman's  score for the most
baskets made in two minutes. Despite this  obvious move to make Rodman look
better in a shooting  contest, one excited Joe still outscored Rodman. 
That was the best moment of the show. I don't watch  bad reality shows to
see average people humiliated. I want  to see bloated, average fans
disgrace overpaid former  athletes. It doesn't happen when a 165-pound guy
wrestles Goldberg's weight.  To the show's credit, it included a golfing
competition as a  neutral battleground. As I was watching I thought to
myself,  "Finally, I get to see these pros fail." But then it occurred  to
me, nobody plays golf more than retired athletes. With  all the charity
benefits, disposable income and tremendous  free time, playing golf is the
destiny of retired athletes. This  doesn't say much for golf, and it
explains the Senior Tour.  Players on the PGA Tour don't get as many holes
in as Matt  Williams does. The pros destroyed the Joes in golfing worse
than in any  other event, and Spike TV expects us to find this  amusing.  I
admit, I found myself mildly entertained by Rodman  outrebounding players
12 inches shorter     than him and Matt  Williams lining shots at these
poor guys while they tried to  play third base, but it grew  obnoxious. 
The pros running their mouths the whole time was even  more annoying. Rice
used an expletive in reference toward  the Joes. How do you get pumped up
to prevent someone  who is poorer, uglier and not as talented from winning
some  money? At the end of the day, the pros are still rich, enjoy an 
inflated status in society and fans adore them.  The trash talking is
unsolicited. The athletes on the show  act as if fans don't understand how
talented they are. As  fans we know we're not better receivers than Rice,
but some  out there think they can catch better than former Seattle 
Seahawks wide receiver Koren Robinson.  Nobody says to themselves, "I could
have grabbed  that rebound," when watching Rodman miss a board.  We say
that when we're watching Seattle Sonic's center  Robert Swift. We do say 
when watching Rodman, "I bet  I wouldn't have kicked that cameraman in the
nuts," but  that's a different issue.  These are the events I want to see.
I want to see Joes  versus Swift in the bench press. I want to see
Shaquille  O'Neal struggling in a free throw shooting contest, Pete  Rose
versus the roulette wheel and  maybe some sort of Joe  versus Ron Artest
freestyle rap battle. Let's see John Daly  huffing it in a 40-yard  dash. 
Fans possess the reasonable expectation that professional  athletes are
superior in every facet of athleticism than an  average fan. And if we
suspect that this isn't the case, "Pros vs.  Joes" should answer  the
question. Is Edgar Martinez slower  than your grandmother? We could
ultimately find out.  Of course the athletes destroy the Joes when they're
a  legend of the sport or an event they specialize in. And that's  funny,
but it gets old. If we learned anything from "Celebrity  Boxing," it's that
Tonya Harding is mean. But  we also learned  that if they're going to sell
out, they should look stupid.  Now some may say Rice paid his dues with
"Dancing  With the Stars," but nevertheless, these athletes clearly sold 
out. Please, if nothing else, make them look stupid.  E-mail Andrew
Sleighter at markitzerol2@yahoo.com  SHE SAYS she wants to  keep living  in
her home.  WE SAY'it starts  by keeping her  on her feet  Each year, one
out of  every three, older people  falls, often resulting in  hip fractures
— a severe  injury in this age group.. For helpful tips
on how  exercise and home  environment adjustments  can reduce the risk of 
falls, visit aaos.org.  AMERICAN  ACADEMY  OF ORTHOPAEDIC  SURGEONS  The
most moving  advances in medicine.  1-800-824-BONES  www.aaos.org  If!  the
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     Western Front 2006 March 10 - Page 13



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   FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2006 • WESTERNFRONTONLINE.COM
• PAGE 13  Beware, springtime skin drawing near  Scheming
Western women plan annual barrage, despite lingering cold weather  BY ZACH
KYLE  True Enough  Spring skin is coming.  Every year, a stretch of spring
sunshine  beats back the Washington rain, and the  women of Western come 
out from under their rocks to  put on a show. Some master  coordinator
flips a switch  broadcasting the disrobe  beacon, sending all the girls 
running to their closets to  rescue moth-balled halters,  short skirts and
spaghetti  straps. Instantly gone are the  winter hoodies we gents are 
accustomed to and the puffy  jackets that are probably still  appropriate
for the mid- 50s temperature.  Ladies, your tactics are underhanded  and
jarring. I understand your intent is to consume the Western guys in a
tsunami of  7 understand your  intent is to consume  the Western guys in  a
 tsunami of skin and  confusion. You succeed  wildly.'  enjoy seeing us
reduced to blind children     bumbling mechanically and slack-jawed  across
campus like subjects in a government  LSD experiment. You need to tone it
down.  Seriously.  After three springs at Western, I've  developed the
ability to sense when  springtime skin is drawing nigh. I'll walk out  of
class and slowly meander across campus. Something won't seem right, and
I'll wonder  if I'm forgetting an assignment or a family  member's
birthday. I'll walk, numb to the  world and looking down when I notice the 
passing ankles. Then legs.  I'll look up. Shoulders.  Backs. Midriffs. 
—' Shell shock.  I'll bump into a  dumbfounded fellow
with  panicked and unfocusing  eyes. I'll apologize with  some
unintelligible sound  and careen into the 10-  til-the-hour crowd like a 
weightless body floating  into an asteroid field.  I hope women  understand
how rough springtime skin is on  us fellas. The first day hits so suddenly
that we  react with bewilderment rather than sexual attraction. I know
you've been working out  skin and confusion. You succeed wildly. You all
winter to prepare for this day, but we can't  look at you, at least not
right away. We walk  like mummies with tunnel vision just trying  to get to
point B, the skin cumulating in our  peripheral vision. Our brains can't
compute why the opposite sex would wear only half  the clothing they donned
a mere 24 hours  ago. It doesn't make sense. Our reality  crumbles.  As
detrimental as spring skin  is to my mental stability, I  must laud
Western's women.  Despite intense planning and  anticipation of the event 
girls are remarkably close mouthed. Mum is the  word, which is a miracle 
for that particular  species. All week, I've  asked women, "Is this  me
week? Has the time ]  come?" and all responded with  a completely
believable look of disturbed confusion.  One of; these years a  man will
find the. hidden  entrance and expose your  scheme.  He will descend the 
stairs in the catacombs under Old Main and  discover the Hall of Western
Sisterhood. It  must take a huge room to fit all 7,000 of you.  He'll find
the Masons-esque robes, and the calendars marking the day the first assault
 will take place.  You will be exposed.  I know the day is coming. My eyes
and  ears at Whatcom Community College report  that spring skin is already
kicking in. The  women at Whatcom are less patient than  those at Western,
not to mention less tasteful. Historically, we can look at  .Whatcom as a
two-week  warning for spring skin  hitting Western's campus. I strongly
encourage the Western  Sisterhood leadership implement a  staggered
schedule for spring  skin.  This way, girls will take  graduated steps
toward  summertime clothes,  rather than the coat-to-  tube top leapfrog
that  sends men reeling. I understand  the pleasure you must derive  from
messing with us, but don't  be cruel. We have classes to  take care of. We
have jobs.  We have meals to remember  to eat. Staggering spring skin is 
the humane thing to do.  And besides, it's still fucking cold.  E-mail Zach
Kyle at   tme_enoughcolumn@yahoo. com  GOOD. BECAUSE  DFI) milt K  If Els
DULL 13  LOOKING FOR A STUDENT BRAND  MANAGER ON  •Ta.fi
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West Region w  Women's Basketball Tournament  Experience the excitement of
basketball playoffs as the   Western women put their 20-game win streak on
the  line. Get your tickets for the whole family and enjoy   NCAA playoffs
right here in Bellingham!  Get your tickets now to ensure your seat!  Phone
650-BLUE or purchase your tickets  at the Campus Box Office.  Reserved
seats: $10; General Admission: $8; Students: $5. Tickets will be available
at the door  but don't wait until game time!  SGHEBttf Haggen Court at Sam
Carver Gymnasium  FRIDAY, MARCH 10  12:30p.m. Camel  2:30 p.m. Game 2  5:30
p.m. Game 3  7:30 p.m. Game 4  #3 Cal State Bakersfield (23-4) vs. #6 Cat
State LA. (20-7)  #2 Chico State (24-3) vs.  #7 Humboldt State (17-10)  #4
UC San Diego (234) vs. #5 Seattle Pacific (22-5)  #1 WWU (26-1) vs. #8
Northwest Nazarene (17-10)  SATURDAY, MARCH 11  5:00 p.m. Game 5 Winner
Game #1 vs. Winner Game #2  7:00 p.m. Game 6 Winner Game #3 vs. Winner Game
#4  MONDAY, MARCH 13  7:00 p.m. Game 7 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME  For tickets calf
6S0-BWE.  Free shuttle from the Fairhaven College parking lot to the front
door of Haggen  Court at Carver Gyrrt.                            



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     Western Front 2006 March 10 - Page 14



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   14 • THE WESTERN FRONT OPINIONS MARCH 10,2006  Sudden
Valley shouldn't be a city  Sudden Valley community members applied for
independent city  status on Feb. 24 for the area eight miles east of 
Bellingham. The  Whatcom County Council removed Sudden Valley from the
county's  urban growth area list on Feb. 28 to prevent it from pursuing
city  status.  The prevention of Sudden Valley's application for city
status was  a smart move by the council.  Sudden Valley, which is located
on the west bank of Lake Whatcom, is listed as a Whatcom County recreation
area and should  remain that way.  Sudden Valley becoming a city would
raise the number of tourists  and residents visiting and living in the
area. More     people moving in  means an increase in the pollution of Lake
Whatcom, which serves  as a water source and recreation area to more than
86,000 county  residents.  Our county is polluted enough as it is. City
status for Sudden  Valley would increase the commercial and residential
development  around Lake Whatcom exponentially.  The fact that they are not
cities hasn't restricted the growth of  the Sehdme and Fairhaven
communities inside of Bellingham. In  fact, these two communities within
Bellingham have flourished for  years. Why should we set apart Sudden
Valley as its own city? We  shouldn't.  Sudden Valley is developed to the
pomt of being a city.  Destabilizing the Lake Whatcom watershed with
further development  will unnecessarily damagethe environment.  Sudden
Valley residents who want to see their tax dollars at work  in their own
neighborhoods rather than in the county, started the  application for city
status. If 75 percent of Sudden Valley citizens  voted in favor of such a
separation, then Sudden Valley has  a right  to pursue city status.
However, Whatcom County shouldn't increase  urban sprawl just because
certain citizens want to distinguish  themselves financially from the rest
of the county.  Whatcom County will always have certain neighborhoods that 
are more prosperous than others, but that's no reason to separate  those
areas into cities apart from the rest of the county.  Frontlines are the
opinion of The Western Front editorial board: Lauren  Miller, AdrianaDunn,
Bradley Thayer, Jacob Buckenmeyer, Amy Harder,  Jared Yoakum, Ciara
O'Rourke, Michael Lycklama, Susan Rosenberry,  Andrew Irvine, Marissa
Harshman, Dawn Chesbro, Aaron Apple, Loren  Shane, Chris Taylor and Chris
Huber.  The Western Front  Editor in Chief: Lauren Miller; Managing Editor:
Adriana Dunn; Head  Copy Editor: Bradley Thayer; Copy Editors: Jacob
Buckenmeyer, Amy  Harder; Photo Editor: Jared Yoakum; News Editors: Ciara
O'Rourke, Michael  Lycklama; Accent Editor: Susan Rosenberry; Features
Editor: Andrew Irvine;  Sports Editor: Marissa Harshman; Opinions Editor:
Dawn Chesbro; Online  Editor: Aaron Apple; Staff Photographer: Chris Huber,
Chris Taylor; Columnist:  Zach Kyle; Cartoonist: Aaron Cunningham; Adviser:
John Harris; Business Manager: Alethea Macomber; Advertising Manager: Joel
Hall  Editor's note: The views expressed  on The Western Front opinion 
pages are the views of the authors or cartoonists and are not necessarily
the views of The Western Front staff, managers or adviser.  And we quote: 
'Its a myth to think I don't know  what's going  on. It's a myth to think
that I'm not aware that  there's opinions that don't agree with mine,
because I'm fully aware of that."  — George W. Bush,
president  Spring quarter columnist preview  Being single is great  liquor
pros outweigh relationship cons  BY LAUREN ALLAIN  Forbidden Firuit
Relationships are like tequila.  At first glance, indulging seems  like the
best idea ever. As the shots progress they get sweeter and  sweeter with
the residuals of pure  bliss. Until you have overindulged.  In that
situation you never want to  touch, taste or see tequila ever again. 
Instead of tequila, I think of every shot as a minute-long dose of that 
significant other. That's my evolving  definition of a relationship.  My
parents met in college so I've  grown up assuming I would meet  my match
here, too. With only four quarters left until I graduate, I'm  beginning to
think my assumption  was wrong.  I've met some amazing men  thus far, but
it's been punctuated by  meeting complete douches. The two  seem to
counteract one another.  So here I am—a single girl with
 high expectations and no date. Most  girls would be upset about this but 
I love it. Therefore, I've come up  with a list of the top five reasons 
why I love being single. Number one: I don't have to  shave.  Men complain
about shaving  constantly, but the surface area they have to shave doesn't
even equate  to one calf for a woman. Shaving  both legs takes
approximately  seven  minutes, and when I'm in  the shower every morning
before  class at 9 a.m., losing those seven  minutes isn't worth it. That
time is  dedicated to cereal. When I think  about it, no one is going to
see my  legs anyway, except for that creepy  old guy who stops to give me a
 thumbs-up while I'm running past  him. In that instance I'm glad my  legs
look repulsive.  Number two: I have the pleasure  of sprawling out on my
bed.  Ever since I was young, I've  been a picky sleeper. I used to  make
my parents come pick me up and take me home from sleepovers  when everyone
went to bed because  I wanted to sleep in my own bed.  My bed is mine. I
picked the  mattress, the sheets and the number  of pillows, and I alone
will enjoy it.  Nothing compares to the frustration  that ensues when I
wake up to realize  my partner is in a spread- eagle pose  in the middle of
the bed leaving me  with a sliver, which is just enough  room to keep one
leg and half an arm on the
——=——=
 bed. Perfect.  Number three: No  one is there to control  single means
that I never have to  awkwardly tell my friend/family/  prospective
boyfriends that I'm  available again.  Informing others of a breakup  has
always baffled me. Am I  supposed to send out a mass e-mail titled, "Oops.
That didn't work out  as planned"? _  Changing the relationship  status on
Myspace and Facebook  is equally awkward. How soon  is too soon to change
it? Is it too  hasty to do it within hours of the  breakup? I don't want
the ex to  think I'm wishing I was still in the  relationship, but I don't
want him to  think I'm stoked to be 
———————-—=———
out of it. Either way,  7 will never under- once I change it, my  me. 
stand the way a male Pr o f i l e fows U P ^  v . - . i recently updated. 
brain junctions  when  I've never dated dealing with women,  anyone who
attempted and trying to figure  it out is like trying to  figure out why
men  have nipples.'  to control me, but  I have experience  with the ones
who  constantly like to give  suggestions about — 
everything. From  what chips to buy at the store to  what classes I should
take, he had  a suggestion for everything. At  least he wasn't indecisive,
but I'm  capable of picking my own chips,  thanks.  I can also decide when
I'm going  to eat those chips, when I'm going  to do my homework and when
I'm  going to sleep. Some nights I call  it quits at 10 p.m. while other
days  I stay up until 4 a.m. Having to  incorporate someone else's schedule
 into my lack of a daily schedule  is typically not worth it. I start to 
feel claustrophobic if someone  else crushes me, specifically by  having to
follow his  schedule. I  have several friends who work at  UPS beginning at
3 a.m., and I'm  convinced I should date one of them  because once they
leave for work I  can go to bed—alone.  Number four:
Constantly being So friend's read it and  think, "Wow. She's  single again.
I wonder  which one of them  fucked it up." And men the questions  begin,
which is why I  think the mass e-mail  is the best option.  Number five:
Relationships are  generally not worth the hassle.  So far I haven't had
one that was  worth the time, money and eventual  tears. I will never
understand the  way a male brain functions when  dealing with women, and
trying to  figure it out is like trying to figure  out why men have
nipples; It's just  not worth the effort, and the end  result typically
means nothing.  Having said all this I'll add that  all five rules become
void when  I find the right guy. For now I'm  staying attached
— to tequila —  because it never
complains when I  fail to call, it doesn't care if I chose  to spend the
night with its friend  rum and most importantly it never  sleeps in the
middle of the bed.  Gosh, I hope my parents don?t  read this.  E-mail
Lauren Allain at forbiddenfruitcolumn@yahoo.com                            
                 



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     Western Front 2006 March 10 - Page 15



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     Western Front 2006 March 10 - Page 16



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  MARCH 10,2006 THE WESTERN FRONT • 16  "l^^^^iii^^Sl 
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